Some may question my decision to make these exchanges public, and that'sfine. I have no argument with people who disagree with my choice. However,I believe that my doing so provides another perspective on the man whowas Vinnie Jordan. Most of the mail Vinnie sent me in 2001 was filled withdescriptions of the ups and downs of his final year, and I believe thatit's information appropriate to make public.

I left in references to Vinnie's long-time girlfriend, Ginny. I couldhave edited out her name, but anyone who knew Vinnie would have been ableto figure out who he was talking about. I did edit out the names of twoother women with whom he was briefly involved after his relationship withGinny ended.

I also edited out a lot of stuff that wasn't necessary to include, butI did try to leave enough for context. Where I've deleted text, you'llsee an ellipsis within brackets, [...].

Following the conventions of quoted text, my remarks are preceded withan angle bracket.

Peggy Currid
currid@soltec.net

Date: Mon, 30 Dec 1996 16:18:47 -0800
From: pigface@netcom.com (Filthy McNasty)
To: plcurrid@prairienet.org
Subject: Re: John Novak Humble...NOT!

>Things have been pretty calm lately. Started a new job [...] and havea whole new set of idiots to deal with.

Yeah, there ain't no shortage of them, and I always wonder whether that'sa peeve or unpeeve. I often think that idjits were put on the earth tomake me feel good about myself.

[...]

>I *had* been planning to attend Sagefest, but work commitments interfered.

Andy's going to make it an annual affair. Perhaps you can make nextyear's. If you can't, it'll be our loss. It was nice to put names to faces,and I didn't meet anyone I didn't like. Your attendance would have madeit even better.
 

>P.S. Haven't seen [some asshole] around a.p. in a few days. I think you won. Nice of
>[another asshole]to step up to the plate and take over as whippingboy/girl.

Some people are better equipped to be masochists than others. I, ofcourse, am happy to oblige them.

Happy holidays to you and yours. Write anytime you like, and have agood time at whatever you're doing.

Vinnie

From vinniej@sco.COM Tue Jun 17 15:26:19 1997
To: Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu>
Subject: Re: Damn You!

Yep, I be plumb serious about taking some time away from the 'net. Ihaven't been inspired to write anything besides sad-ass, nasty one-liners.I miss the days when I had meaningful things to say.

I'll be back, Red. You can bet yer sweet ass on that. But, not untilI find a new job, and life around me stabilizes.

[...]

I'll be back when I think I have anything to say that is worth postingto the rest of the group. This ain't the time.

Sincere best wishes to you, Pegs. It's nice to know that someone willbe looking forward to my return. May all your days be peevesome, but notdepressing. All my best wishes hover over yer lovely head, and I hope allyou do brings you dickloads of laughs.

Sincere best wishes will follow you, wherever you go.

Vinnie

Sorry I fucked you off with a one-line rejoinder to your mail. You deservedbetter, but I was 200 messages behind in my mail.

Writing about the common man is something I do because most of the folkshere look at us like we're social outcasts or sumthin', not realizing oracknowledging that the world would be an odd place indeed, were it onlypopulated by the educated and the geeky. I've met people who possess degreesthat can't really handle the most basic mechanical chores, and people whoflunked out of high school who managed to 'make the grade' out in the competetivefield of life. I've had good, solid brothers die in my arms, without theability to do anything to stop their inevitable demise. I doubt that anyof the kids I ran the mean streets with have a computer, or even have thedesire to read news.

But, I write those fuckin' stories for them, Pegs. I write them becausenobody else will. Nobody else cares, cuz it's easy to write segments ofthe population off, because you either don't understand, or don't givea fuck where they came from.

I know, because I'm one of them. I managed to get my head above thewaters, though. But, y'know something? I couldn't have done it withoutthe people who pulled me under their wing, when I was growing up, showingme that the world is an unforgiving place, where only the strong survive.

Think of it as a toast to all the brothers and sisters who guided methrough my developmental stage. I miss the dead ones, and wish the bestto the ones that are still fighting the good fight.

Vinnie

> I'm feeling better now;

I was concerned.

When you have a bad day, feel free to cry on my virtual shoulder, rantand rave, or share the good things that might be happening. I'm alwaysin your corner.

> Love ya,

Ditto.

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@lepton.soltec.net> wrote:
> Hi:
>
> You'll probably (I hope, anyway) read this Thursday
> at work.

Nope. Friday. I had to work yesterday.
 

> I was relieved to hear that you were only pissed,  not despondent.
> I'm not glad that that county bitch stood you up, but at least
> that's a minor peeve and nothing major. Shit like  that really
> gets to me, too.

Despondency doesn't do anything for me anymore, except more sadness.I'm just not going to do it anymore. I doubt I'll miss it.

I might be worn, but I ain't worn out.

[...]

Vinnie

[...]

Perhaps not. I've always been distrustful of people, but look at the thugs I used to run with, and my two ex-wives!!

Take all the time you need, but I'll never blow you off without explanation,and I don't see it ever coming to pass.

[...]

> > That problem will be resolved later. I'll tell you > > how nexttime I write, prolly this afternoon.

> I'm curious about it and can't wait to hear more.

So, I walk into the bar, and I hear a voice, "Hey, Vinnie." I turn andsee this lady with long blonde hair, shorts and a tube top. "How are you?"

I said, "Fine. Who are you?"

It's [Woman A], and it turns out I met her a week or so ago, while swakkedout some morphine tablets a buddy sold me. She didn't seem to mind thatI'd forgotten who she was, cuz "You were really fucked up."

When she smiles, she gets these little crinkles in the corners of hersteel blue eyes. That tells me that;

A. She's old  enough for my tastes, and
B. Those eyes have seen a lot of pain.

Recently divorced, ending a marriage full of verbal and physical abuse,she moved to Cruz from L.A. two weeks ago. She told me an awful lot inthe thirty or so minutes we talked. She laughs a lot, and it's a heartylaugh, not a nervous twitter.

As I got ready to leave, I asked her to lunch on Sat- urday. She hesitated,then said she didn't think she was ready for a relationship.

I said, "I didn't ask you to marry me. I asked you if you would go tolunch."

She laughed again, and said yes. "Good. I'll meet you here at one."

During this time, [Woman B], the teenybopper, had come in and saw ussitting together, and had the audacity to get mad about it. Kids...

While not a classic beauty, [Woman A]'s quite attractive, an inch tallerthan me, slender the way I like 'em, and she seems to be a lot of fun.She sipped the same drink the whole time I was there, instead of slurpingaway like [co-worker] at work, and I'm looking forward to the lunch.

I said goodbye to [Woman B] on the way out. She didn't even answer me.You think I'm getting involved with that fuckin' noise?

Love ya,

Vinnie

You made two statements in a post last week, and I want to make correctionson them.

In one part, you refer to me as 'cute.' Babies are cute but pugs witha broken noses and haunted eyes aren't cute; they are Ruggedly Handsome.

[...] I looked at myself in my mental mirror. I saw that there reallyaren't any guys like me. I'm not exactly an enigma wrapped up in mystery,but there are contradictions.

I've got a mean side, and a tender side that I don't show very often.In your words, I'm smart and funny, yet I've got street smarts to go with those traits. I can liven up a party and turn it into a circus. Iknow when to shut up, but I ain't afraid to speak my mind. Lastly, I canlaugh as quickly at myself as I can at others, and will admit when I amwrong.

Guys like me? There aren't any!

Love,

Vinnie

(Hope you're feeling better today.)

Mondays are bad, especially when I don't get mail from my favorite cohort.

After I talked to you, I got a call from [Woman A]. I say hello, andshe says, "Hi. How are you?" I said "Fine. Who is this?" She sez, "We alreadydid this." I asked her how she got her phone hooked up on a Sunday, butshe was calling from a pay phone.

I told you she was disarming, but she really threw me for a loop. Shesaid, "So, where is this thing going?" "What thing is that?" "You know...Us."

Preferably, with your head bobbing up and down on my nether regions,I thought, but ended up mumbling some- thing stupid, like, "We'll justlet it play itself out."

I talked to her for about 20 minutes, and get the impression that shewants to go back to her hubby, whose name is [deleted], and I christenedas 'Prick." She admonished me, saying, "You don't even know him." Yes,I do. Not personally, but I've run into so many like him, using their goodwomen for punching bags and using them for their drug funds. You don'thave to meetsomeone to know that you hate them out of principle.

The conversation got strained, and I said I had to go.

It's a Blue Monday indeed. Hope you're feeling well. I worry about you,though I know it doesn't do me or you any good.

It's when I stop worrying about you that you know that something iswrong.

Love,

Vinnie

Dis is gonna come in bits and pieces, as I'm KneeDeep in work rightnow, and I'm just making sure I get at least something off to you today,to ensure that there will be something in my mailbox from you tomorrowto help me ward off the insanity.

I go home and shower, shave, clip my nails and do all the things I canto make myself presentable. I'm decked in a pair of black jeans, a brushedleather vest with silk trim, and a pair of black dress shoes. I feel asout of place as a clown at Harvard.

I walk into the Avenue, and she's sitting there, with a big grin onher face. She's wearing a satin blouse over a pair of black slacks. Herpurse is covered by a jacket she'd taken that morning, cuz," I didn't knowif it would warm up today or not."

It did. It was so fuckin' hot, I saw a cat being chased
by a dog. They were both walking.

She stands up, twirls in a circle, and asks, "What do you think?" Thefirst word that pops into my mind is 'delicious.' So, that's what I said.

She smiles, and says, "You're out of uniform." She's only seen me inshoes once, and always in blue jeans. "Are you trying to impress someone?"

"Just you. Need a drink?"

"A white wine."

I go and get the drinks, and put them on the table, and about that time,[Woman B] walks in. She waves to me, and stares a dagger at [Woman A],who very classily swivelled her chair in a dismissive way, with her backtoward [Woman B]. She locks me into her gaze, and asks, "Do you two fuck?"

Shit. She's done it again.

"Do you have to be so damned direct?"

"Do you always answer a question with a question?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

That exchange had us both laughing.

I remember telling you that [Woman A] wasn't a classic beauty. I hadforgotten that behind every classic beauty is a well paid makeup person. […] she wears little makeup, depending on her natural good looks to gether through […] Made up, though, she's nearly stunning. And I don't stuneasily. She's really relaxed now. The pre- vious encounters were tense,as we weren't sure who was chasing who. Now, we know we have duplicateagendas.

She sez, "Let's go get some dinner." She's buying, and I ain't arguing,cuz I don't get paid my pittance 'til Friday.

We got to a place on Soquel Drive that serves good Dago food.

"We go to a party, and everyone turns to see This beautiful lady that'swalking around with me. And then she asks me, "Do you feel alright?" AndI say "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight." E. Clapton

OK, so we didn't go to a party in the strictest sense, but, as we'velearned together, you and I know that it only takes two well matched peopleto make a party.

Heads do turn, and I know they ain't looking at me. I walk a coupleof steps behind her, because few things are as sensual as watching a womanwho possesses a lot of grace walk. […] Slender and gracefully […] withoutthe pronounced swagger of a slut, but as [a woman] who know[s] how good[she] look[s], and don't care what others think. You just know.

God. I'm getting dirty looks, so I gotta cut off fer now, but I'll tryto get back to you with more before the day is out.

Love,

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
 > I'm pleased to be able to help in any way I can.

You've no idea how much it helps. I'm really spinning right now. Endinga relationship, starting a new one, job dissatisfaction, and emotionalyo-yos concerning my self esteem. One day, I'm King Kong, the next, I'mPriscilla, Queen of the Desert.

> Sometimes the first thing that comes to mind ends up
> being the
> best thing to say.

Then, there are the other times, at least in my case. Especially whendealing with figures of percieved authority.

[...]

Vinnie

[...]

For clarification's sake, you say that I'm much more poetic than you.As you make your living as a woman of words, I find that unlikely.

And, at least you take the time to edit your mail. You probably wincewhen you see my transposition of letters when I mail you, but that's becauseof my time restraints. I still manage to get my message across, though.

If I already told you, I can't recall. But, as for out of the blue phonecalls, sometimes they are the best and most welcome. Go fer it.

Dinner with [Woman A] tonight. Something simple, maybe even burgersand fries. Her fave place is Wendy's, though it doesn't show on that sculptedbody of hers.

The food is irrelevant. The company is vital.

I was a bad boy. Last night, I had three drinks, and two Valiums. Ihadn't slept well the previous two nights, with visions of a blonde leavingfor LA and not coming back. Hearing from her Monday helped, but it don'tmake up for lost sleep. 10 hours later, I was fully rested, and stable.

She's getting under my skin, but in a good way. I spend a lot of timewith her in my mind.

Today and tomorrow will be busy, so if I don't get a chance to mailya, enjoy Joliet.

Go Cubbies...

Love,

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
> When you called last night and said that [Woman A] had to
> cancel your date because she had to work late, I said something
> about "oh, that's good." I didn't mean it was good that she
> cancelled; I meant it was good that she had a legitimate excuse,
> and wasn't just jerking you around.

It was just as well. I wuz in a crappy mood. I'd have said all the wrongthings.

Aside, abused ladies need all the positive reenforce- ment they canget. I wasn't in a position to give it.

Were she to jerk me around, it wouldn't be a situation I hadn't seenbefore.

I DID tell her over the phone that, as we're both in tentative shitlifestyles, with little positives to dwell in, it might have been the bestthing that could have happened.

Much like you, I was not in the mood to negotiate, and woulda prollyjumped dead into her shit. As it turns out, I have been invited to seeher new apartment, so she can show off her new furnishings, which she tookback from LA.

[...]

We gonna try again tonight. If her workload interferes, dat's otay,but I miss her.

I really miss her. I realized that while she wuz gone, and suffereda lot o' doubt that she'd fuck up and not come back.

She brightens all of the days she wanders into my life. How much ofit has to do with my loneliness, or my lack of a love in my life, is upto question.

Being simultaneous reclamation projects, it's a toss-up in its sadness,but I want so much to make this work.

As always, your input is requested.

And, as always, I wish you a good day.

Sorry about the inability to communicate clearly last night. Me headwas a little bent.

[...]

As always, Love

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
> I haven't been on a roller coaster in years

I haven't been in years, either. With a deathly fear of heights, yagotta get me on there kickin' and screaming but when you get here, I'llbite the bullet and ride the Big Dipper with you.

[...]

I'll have a lot to say. I'll be working all my wily tricks. This babe[Woman A] is scorchingly hot, and becomes more beautiful with each encounter.

I know I asked you to get home safely. I left out the part about havinga good time, but you know it was just an oversight.

Love,

Vinnie

Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2001 17:55:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Bob Bitchen <pigface2us@yahoo.com>
To: Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu>
Subject: Re: Da job is done
 

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:

> Whew! Another busy day (I just got home), and > tomorrow's no doubt
> gonna be the same way. At least I can look forward > to some fun
> this weekend in Chicago.

Well deserved, no doubt...

I got a handful of disrespect for people who forget da simple fact thatwork is a part of life, but not the only reason to exist.

That philosophy got me fired today, as the cuntplug I used to work forwas told in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't be talked down to, and thatI don't really care for smug fucks, who wield their book knowledge (BTWis there a 'd' in 'knowledge?) as if it were the fuckin' Bible or something.

[...]

Love,

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:

[...]

> And I am sorry to hear the news. But we both know
> that that job was just a stopgap thing to pay the bills while you
> searched for something better. Jobs like the one you just lost,
> while not very challenging, are plentiful.

Yeah, but sometimes, you feel like yer selling your soul, whatever thatmay be worth.

I'm above most of the supposedly educated mofos in da Dirtball. Theyhave the education, but they ain't gots da life experience that keeps peoplelike me alive.

Give my ex-boss an hour in the exercicise yard, and he would  hecalled "Sally" in a matter of moments.

I wuz rappin' wit' Miller, and between him an' me' we comes to da sameconclusion. Book-learned folks, for all their efforts, come out in a periodof what they convey as superiority. It tends to crash on them, when thereal world unfolds, or enfolds, on them.

[...]

As always, I love you.

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:

[...]

>How was your weekend with Lenore? What did you guys do?

Same thing we always do. Ate too much food, and drank a lotta vodka.Steaks fer dinner on Sattiday, eggs, bacon and bisketts fer breffust onSunday morning.

Lenore decides she needs to get outta the house for the day. We copsthe Amtrak train down to Cruz and part company. I head to the Avenue, andcop a table with [Woman B]. I just get done telling her one of me favejokes, and guess who walks in?

"I don't think you two have met each other. [Woman A], this is [WomanB]."

They shake hands, but the venom in their eyes counter- acts the pretensionof civility.

She sez the words I most hate to hear...

"We need to talk."

She's very direct at most times, with a gaze that locks you up, andcan't escape.

Sumpin be wrong.

"Let's take a walk." This is directly after she turned her back on [WomanB]. It's the female equivalent of a punch in the nose.

I  take her to another bar, a famous gay bar, where no one knowsus, and we can speaks in peace.

She doesn't have her usual look. Her shoulders were slumped, and, whilestill showing her usual grace, she's beat up from the feet up. We didn'tsay a word from the Avenue 'til we got to the Blue Lagoon.

We cops us a couple of seats. The 'tender gives us a look, as if welook out of place. I order a white wine fer me lady fair, and a straightshot of 100 proof Smirnoff.

"What's wrong?"

"Why?"

"My father had a stroke. I have to go help Mom take care of him."

"I'm sorry, baby. When are you coming back?"

She stares at the surface of the bar, and sez nothing.

"So, when are you coming back?"

Without looking up, she sez, "I'm not."

How can something so positive go so wrong, Red? I was dancing on whatthey call the pink cloud, and now, I'm standing in the fucking rain.

2001 will be an easy year for me to forget, being left by two of thefinest women I've ever known.

I be snakebitten, Pegs.

I dust off my shot, and tell her I wish her well, and head out the door.She yells out, " Vinnie!"

"What?"

"I love you, Vinnie."

"You got a funny way of fuckin' showing it."

As soon as I said it, I wanted to bite my fucking tongue off, but mouthsdon't come equipped with editors, and while I, much as yerself, usuallyejaculate whatever is on my mind. But, this is a lady in pain. She cameto me for help, and all I could do is verbally abuse her, in much the sameway as the punk she ran away from.

"I'm sorry. That didn't come out the way I wanted it to."

She's in tears now, and she cries the tears of people who are familiarwith pain, without the wracking sobs or sniffles that folks who don't knowwhat it's like to die inside. My eyes well up as well, but there's nothingleft to expel. My heart's already damaged to its extent. Were there a tearleft in me to shed, it would have been for [Woman A].

"I want you to come up with me."

Food for thought. Instead of flying off the seat of my pants, I pause,and think of the right things to say.

"I can't. I've lived most  of my life here. I've spilled a lotof blood on these streets. Some mine, and some of others. I decided manyyears ago that I'm going to die in this town."

"What do you have to keep you here? You just lost your job, and yourgirlfriend."

The real reason hits me like a hazardly thrown brick, and I say, "I'mjust too old to make a major move. and I say, "I'm just too old to makea major move. Besides, when you dump me, I'll be in unfamiliar territory,and there just ain't that many opportunities for jobs up there."

Up there, by the way, is Redding, Ca. It's famous for its physical beauty,the tallest redwoods in the state, with the exception of Yosemite, andits high unemploy- ment rate.

It's also her point of origin. She wandered down to LA to escape theboredom of living in a mountain town.

And, look what it got her.

I shake my head in a negative fashion, and simply said:

"No."

She sees the conviction in my tone and manner, and said "Well, we stillhave another week together. I gave my employer a week's notice. Why don'tyou move down here for a week? [...]"

Yeah, and cause more pain than I'm already goin' through, [...] a weekwith her would make the hurt more intense than it is already going to be.

Sorry to dump on ya. I'm just in intense pain now.

[...]

Love always,

Vinnie

I allus like wednesdays, up until this week. I will be taking the weekoff, so you won't hear much from me, but don't let that be cause for alarm.

Truth is, I dumped all over you, and , while I say that is what we'rehere for, I'd much druther we spent that time talking 'bout positive things.

I gotta go for a few days, but you'll always know where I'll be. Youwon't see me, but I'll be walking by your side. I won't be gone for long,and will be back when I've worked this shit out.

Love you,

Vinnie

I tries to tell ya about the SNAFU that makes up me little life. I getreturn messages, sayin' dey didn,t get t'rough. It wasn't fer lack of tryin',dough.

It's cuz I cain't figger out this new configuration.

Bein' on a 2day  bender is both a bane and a boon.

No mail from you today. Apparently, you got yer own life to deal with.

Headed to town, to reestablish friendships, and bust some heads, inno particular order.

"Here I am, on the road again,
There I am, up on the stage.
There I go, playing the star again...
they're I go, turn the page."

"Bob Seger"

"Sometimes you can't hear them talk,other times you can.
That same ol' cliche, "Is that a woman or a man?" And you always feeloutnubered, you don't dare take a stand.'

*Bob Seger*

Fuck that, Pegs. I'm goin' out wit' me fists clenched, one around myknife, the other wrapped around a roll of dimes, and I dare a motherfuckerto infringe upon my rights. If yer a bettin' broad, smart money's on me.

Love, forever

Vinnie

Got pissed off at my boss and quit, leaving me without 'net access.*shrug* It was a deadender, anyway.

[Woman A] is gone. Left on Sunday morning. I said I didn't want to seeher again when she told me she was leaving, but it's hard to be mad atsomeone who's only taking care of her family duties. We spent the last4 days of her short waltz through my life together, and when she droppedme off on Sunday morn, we simply said goodbye, without all the sappy "I'llcome and visit" crap that usually goes with it.

Alone again, naturally..

I miss our daily chats, but something will come up soon and I'll beback to torment you with the cacophony that is my life.

Meanwhile, job hunting takes up most of my time these days, along withchasing down legal documents. I also slipped on the steps after an unseasonable(for us) rain, spilling the contents of the recyclables I was disposingof. Nothing major, no broken bones, but it hurts like hell.

All in all, I ain't having a good week. Supposed to rain again tonight.I'll be stepping gingerly down the stairs tomorrow morning.

Interview for a QC position at a place in Capitola. Dat'd be a nicearea to work in. Lots of places to eat, competitive wages, and good bennies.

You know I'd be in touch more if I could, but, with [Woman A]'s departure,I'm working back into my social shell. But I doubt it will take as longto work my way out as it did last time, simply because this was much shorterthan the last time I gave my heart away.

"What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get a lot of pain and sorrow
So, for at least, until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again."

*Dionne Warwick*

Yeah, I'll fall in love again, but it's gotta be a top-notch broad likethe last two. I ain't in love with the concept of being in love just tohave someone to lie next to. I want someone I can be happy with, like Ginnyand I once were, and the whirlwind romance with [Woman A]. I feel no bitternesstoward either, but all things start to die as soon as they are born, beit people or relationships. It's unfortunate that [Woman A]'s star explodedso early. I think I was really on to sumthin'.

But, so it goes...

Love, as always,

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:

[…]

> I was just wondering when I'd hear from you again. I  was worried.

'Bout what? I'm floating in a shit sailboat right now, but land is closeat hand.
 

> That's probably the best way to handle it. I'm not much for
> tearful goodbyes, either. You two at least planning  on stayingin
> touch by phone?

Going to try. She said she'd get to me as soon as she got settled.

You're right, that was the best way to handle it. Were she going backto her ex, I'd have come away with a bad taste in my mouth, and a hatredof her. But, her reason was noble, and her quality showed in taking theaction she took. Again, I was proud of her. She's like me, a basicallygood person who makes poor decisions.

[...]

> You've said
> that you don't like to use me as an ear for all your miseries,
> but I do want to be a sounding board, if that helps.

Of course, it helps. Some stuff, though, you gotta work out in yourown head, slowly, at your own pace.

If it's any consolation, it was a long week for me, too.

[...]

> I know things suck right now, but hang in there. At the risk of
> sounding like a Pollyanna, things *will* get better; they always
> do. In the meantime, I'll be sending you all my  extra Irishluck.

I KNOW they'll get better. I ALWAYS lands on me feets, but your goodwishes will only help.

[...]

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
 

> I was worried about you acting impulsive and angry, and getting
> in a fight or some other trouble. The message you sent me before
> you went offline for a few days sorta seemed to imply that you
 > were going to be looking for trouble.

Nah. More pressing and satisfying things to do.

If you're gonna worry, worry about my health. I went into a full seizureSattiday night, about 12 hours after talking to you.  […]

I remember standing up, unable to catch my breath, and Ginny ran intothe room to see why I was kicking the furniture all around. She found meon the floor, kinda twitching, and generally spazzin' out. I come to, andthere's a coupla paramedics, trying to convince me to get into the ambulancewith them, and I said they ain't taking me nowwhere. Ginny intervened,and ever'thin' was Kosher. I was having trouble talking, as I had bittenmy tongue nearly through.

You  know what a cauliflower ear is? I gots a cauli- tongue. Ican tell by feeling it. It didn't bleed all the way through, but thereare speckles of blood every time I spit when I brush my teeth, but at leastI can speak clearly, and can eat soft stuff if it ain't too hot or cold.

Down at the hospital, they shot me full of Ativan and gave me a CATscan.

[...]

All is better, now. I got my meds, I'm still clean, and I haven't doneanything stupid, with the exception of trying to kick cold turkey. I'vebeen warned about the possible complications, including seizures, strokes,and even liver failure. Can you imagine getting liver failure from notdrinking?

Just kidding about worrying about my health. A couple of more days,and I'll be fit, if not still a tad weak.

Just gotta stay off the juice.

Love you,

Vinnie

Date: Mon, 9 Jul 2001 14:51:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Bob Bitchen <pigface2us@yahoo.com>
To: Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu>
Subject: Re: Weird dream
 

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
>How was your weekend? Was this the weekend you went  to see Bob
> and Lenore?

That's this week. In fact, it's from Wednesday thru Saturday. I needa getaway. Things ain't that tense around the house, but that's cuz wesort it out so that our common time is at a minimum. We're even jokingaround a bit. But we both anticipate my leaving, each with reasons of ourown.

> Have you talked to [Woman A] lately? If so, how's she  doing?And how
> about you? I trust by now your sore tongue is  healing properly,
> and that you are starting to get a handle on the  alcohol
> withdrawal. It does my heart good to know that you  still havea
> good attitude, considering all the shit that's been going on.

Feeling pretty peachy now, since the heebiejeebies have run their course.Started exercising again, slowly at first, at the recommendation the doctorgave me, cuz "You don't want to have to come back, do you?" Fuck no! Ihate being in any kind of lockup.

No word from [Woman A]. She's got enough on her head, so I don't call,either. I've got a card to send her, thoughand will do so in about a week.

As for my attitude, it's a matter of choice, and I made up my mind acouple of months ago that I wasn't going to be pitiful anymore.

[...]

Love you,

Vinnie

It was a delight to hear yer voice yesterday. I hope you and yer galpal had a good time, whatever you decided to do.

BTW, I *WILL* keep my promise to ride the roller coaster wit' ya whenyou get here. If I die of fright, make sure to take my wallet and any straymoney I may have in my pockets, ya little golddigger.

Much love,

Vinnie

[...]

I miss the daily correspondence, but I be goin' through an adjustmentperiod. Things are going better than ya might expect, but soon I'll bedowntown, and my first order of biz is to cop me a 'puter. I picture meselfwith my sleeves rolled up, and tapping out the venom that everyone expectsfrom a sick, twisted fuck like myself.

Got me hair cut, in honor of yer visit. Got a coupla books you mightbe interested in if you ever dig yer head out of the backup that seemsto be yer working life, and a shit load of stories that is the cacophonythat is my own. Coupla CDs of filthy jokes written by Howard Stern's headwriter, several old 70s and 80s gems, and a bundle full of energy I'm savingfor this special, twice yearly, event.

I swear to whatever higher authority there may be that I will reciprocateyer visits  when I get on me feets again. It gets closer as time goeson, but I gots lotsa shit I gotta take care of before I can travel.

Console yourself in knowing that when the feet hit the ground, I'llbe like I used to be, and doing the indiscriminate shit that I'm famousfor, including re-establishing a lot of relationships that got lost inthe shuffle as I went through my 'mental meltdown.'

[...]

Like the proverbial cat, though, I land on my feet, and after a littleproving to those folks that I'm really back, those wounds will be healed.

As an addendum, I find it both flattering and humbling that a classlady like yerself would spend her hard earned cash and her precious vacationtime hanging with an ol' bum like me. Ya stuck by me, and it won't be forgotten.
 

Mucho Luvs to ya,

Vinnie
 

[...]

 I'm re-establishing friendships that I thought I had killed withmy haphazard and bizarre behavior over the last few years. Even Gin andI are getting along in a way reminiscent of our salad days. It's surprisingto me that people look at me with a new respect for the effort I'm puttinginto the reconstruction of the shambles I've made of my life.

I never stopped lovin' any of them; I was just unable to tell them so.I got selfish, and lost them, and now I hafta go and get them back.

And, I will.
 

> Don't kid yourself: I get a lot out of our  friendship. You serve
> as a good sounding board for those things that some  peoplejust
> wouldn't understand. It's nice knowing that you  wouldn't ever
> judge me harshly for the stupid things I've done. Everybody needs
> a friend like that  [...].

[...]

Sure, I do my part, but you add more to it than I do. And, I know whyyou do it. You know your brother will be standing tall, walking proud,and stylin' and profilin' the way he was when you first met him. My jobis to not let you down, and make that time-and-energy you expended wasted.I'll do my best not to let you down.

[...]

Everyone should have a friend like
you, and I never forget how fortunate I am. Perhaps, even you mighthave given up on me, were you exposed to me on a consistent basis, butI doubt it. You be one hardnosed woman, with that Irish backbone and areluctance to give up in a fight.

ObBummer: Geoff was under the misunderstanding that you were comingout this weekend, not next, and has a apology but I said it was silly toapologize for me inadvert- antly misleading him, but I sends you dis messageanyway. He says he'll be looking forward to your next visit. I believehim. Geoffro seems incapable of not telling the truth.

As always, much love,

Vinnie

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
> Based on news reports I heard this morning (I didn't  listento
> any news after 5pm yesterday), more possible  hijackers werefound
> trying to board planes in New York and airspace  around thatcity
> was once again shut down. It's possible they have  even more
> tricks in store for us.

Peeve: The sports stations have basicxally shut down, and spend alltheir air time talking about how fuckin' empty expression of true griefwere they to shut down, and stop the nauseating backslapping they're doingon their own behalf.

Undoubtedly, with the death toll as high as it was, manyplayers, coachesand the reporting crews were affected by this outrageous act, and needto stop doin' fun stuff as some sort of spritual purging, but I think thatthey'd be better off going on with life, instead of this trumped up Pollyannatrip.

Same thing happened when Kennedy got shot, but you prolly don't remember.A three day 'lovefest' ending with Jack blowing Oswald away in what washistory's first recorded murder on live TV.

Although this was a larger and more significant act, it will peter outin a few more days.

Just as well you aren't here right now, as I have a mild concussionfor breaking the rule of not talking about politics in bars. I'm beat upfrom the feet up, but Jorge from downtown 'healed' me with a handful ofmorphine pills, and I can zone out on the couch, cuz Gin's off on a runaroundwit' her new man. Each day, that situation gets easier for me to deal with,but the love don't die. I won't let it.

If this is coming out a tad jumbled, I apologise. If you ain't busy,it'd be nice to hear from you at some time over the course of the weekend,but don't bust yer ass in trying to do so.

Moving into the new pad on Tuesday. Mixed emotions, but when ya gotsno choice, emotions don't figure much in the big picture. Gladly, Gin andI have been able to keep things civil, mostly cuz the broad's gotta lottacharacter.

We passed on the idea of spending the last night in bed together. Thinkingon that particular 'brainstorm' that I created, it seems kind of morbid.And, pointless. As for sometime in the future, we ain't counting that out.But, I can't worry about it.

That's my most serious flaw, Red. I think too much, and am always preparingfor situations that never happen. It's good to calculate, and plan to someextent, but da way my mind works, it's a constant source of confusion.

[...]

Have a bitchin' day. I see a jug, a morphine tablet and a deliveredpizza in my immediate future.

Luvs ya,

Vinnie

Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2001 18:54:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: Bob Bitchen <pigface2us@yahoo.com>
To: Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu>
Subject: Re: Life is good again
 

--- Peggy Currid <currid@uiuc.edu> wrote:
> Better yet, just resume the sports and get on with  life. Ithink
> now we need to return to some semblance of normal  life. Wecan
> wallow in this shock and national grief for only so  long.

I thought about that for more than the standard I spend on trivial shit,and decided that perhaps I'd been a touch hasty in how long I feel othersshould grieve in tragedies. I figgered that I can't expect that otherswould get over the pain of losing loved ones as fast as I'm willing to.Fuck, Peggy, I've lost people since before I ever met you, netwise er udderwise.And, I ain't over a lot of them.

I'm real fuckin' quick to jump on people who hang on to sentimentality.It's a weaknness I have, putting my thoughts and feelings over those ofothers.

Y'see, champ, as a punk kid, I was always a step ahead and quicker andfaster than my contemporaries.

Getting on the 'net dint make me no smarter, but it put me in touchwith people of higher education, and allowed me to examine the weaknessesin my personal philosophies. Folks like you, Miller, Banta, Levine, andothers too many to mention.

I ain't no fool; I've stolen their styles, and then I developed a styleof my own. Truth is, my adapted style of writing is a lot more interestingthan the crap I see puked all over the newsgroups, but as you know, I'minsecure in my writing style. Not cuz I don't think it's good enough, butthat there is always somone out there to question its validity, and whensome poor dumb fucker stars to question my writng ability, I come off asthe chump that I am, and go into defensive mode.

Gotta finish this tomorrow.

Time is rare these days, but your visit will be reserverved only foryou...

There's some other stuff I wanna say in regards to this post, but mytime is short, and my thoughts are expansive. I'll lay it on the line whenI see you next. September 21, if memory serves correctly.

Mucho Luvos,

Pigface