From: Notorious P.I.G. (
Subject: Sabbatical
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Date: 1997/06/14

This is where I get off.

It ain't just the proliferation of the Alexanders, Starks and Dave Lockes.It ain't even about the spam crap that clogs me mailbox. I'm just bored.

Y'see, SCO, in its infinite wisdom, is cutting out my division, andI'm moving on to greener pastures. As I was cleaning out my files, I re-readsome of my previous posts, and noticed that my postings have deterioratedfrom lengthy, thoughtful prose to shitty one-liner type attacks that donothing to stop the flow of garbage so common on the 'net these days.

It used to be fun, but it seems that the expansion of the Internet hasinserted so many insufferable jackoffs that there isn't time to write anythingmeaningful.

Pigface's account will be inactivated on Monday or Tuesday. A lot ofyou will be missed. I like almost everyone I've encountered, and actuallylove a measurable percentage of you. I wish you all the good things oneman can wish for his peers.

Except for you, Dean. I derive massive pleasure knowing how much energyyou expend, justifying your reasons for being such a total fuckwad, andI hope all your dreams are filled with nightmares. And when somebody finallysnaps and does away with your miserable self, I'll clip it out of the newspaperand stow it in my scrapbook.

As for Mr. Locke, I hope you'll learn the good grace to stay out ofplaces where you've been told you weren't welcome. Somehow, I doubt you'llever get to that point, because some folks are just gluttons for punishment.

Have a nice life, People, with the exception of those previously mentioned. Reach me, if you care to, at until the end of the month.



"Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers."
* *

Newsgroups: alt.peeves!!!!!pigface
From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Daytime TV, was Re: Concert Coyotes
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
References: <6230ip$hpm$1@engnews2.Eng.Sun.COM>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 00:58:30 GMT
Lines: 44
Xref: alt.peeves:145379

In article <6230ip$hpm$1@engnews2.Eng.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Eng.Sun.COMwrites:
>!Peeve: Stevie "shloonk me 'till I scream" Nicks. The phrase "gravyboat of spooge" comes to mind...

I've become what I abhor, because during the last couple of weeks ofliving off the taxpayer's dollar, (Thanks, folks) I've subjected myselfto way more daytime TV than anyone who isn't being punished in some waydeserves. Mostly, though, I use it as background noise as I read news,or whatever chores the ol' lady has assigned me for the day.

Peeve: Ghod forbid that I should enjoy this period of sloth, and she'sjust jealous that she cain't sleep until 10, listen to the last segmentof Stern, and spend my time doing the chores I enjoy, like vacuuming andwatering the yard.

OK, I hear ya, as you ask what the fuck I'm getting at.

Unsurprisingly, I was unable to find anything interesting to watch,so I turn on VH1, and lo and behold; it's a short documentary on the Mac.They played a buncha their songs, and I was comparing Stevie to her cohort,Christine McVie.

SN: Sorta stumpy, with a porcine nose.

CM: Tall, willowy, with a bit of dignity. Unlike the slutty Nicks.

SN: A voice that sounds like me, after a night of straight shots andcigarettes, which is most nights. I've yet to determine whether that'sa Peeve or a !Peeve. But, that's another story for another time.

CM: A voice like an angel, one that I wouldn't mind hearing, while shewas out in the kitchen making my breakfast.

SN: Dresses in tacky, pretentious outfits.

CM: Dresses in a way that doesn't draw attention to herself, but stillmanages to come off sexy.

You set up a double date, Geoff. I'll take Christine.

You can have the tacky one.


From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Re: Era Passing
Date: 1997/10/31
Message-ID: <>#1/1
References: <>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

In article <> hpat@remove_this.eskimo.comwrites:
>Pat "And there was _always_ a cribbage game going on in the back
>     of the shop" Steppic

ObPeeve: Monday will mark two years since my stepdaddy died. We spentway too much time, drinking red wine and smoking the good herb, while waginga war on the cribbage board. He used to say;

"I can beat any man from any land,
At any game that he can name,
For any amount he chooses to count."

Then, he'd lay down a 16-24 point hand. Fuckin' bastard.

'Course, he'd be realy quiet when I'd return the favor, and it reallywhacked him out when I'd refrain from gloating like he did, preferringto take a pull off of the wine glass and just smile in that way that Zenmasters do when they're getting their spiritual cock sucked.

He ain't gonna be happy when I go to Hell and strip him of his cribbagetitle belt, but I'll sure be glad to see him. As an Okie, he  hadmore old homilies and clever expressions than anyone you'd want to know.Not real educated, but damned smart.

His taste in women, well... that's another story. I spent last weekwith Moms, and that's a whole different peeve, which I'll get back to RealSoonNow.


Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Re: The Warlords of alt.peeves
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
References: <> <><>
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 17:19:53 GMT
Lines: 46
Xref: alt.peeves:149189

In article <> (GeoffMiller) writes:
>That may be true, but it still doesn't grant you any particular insightinto how Howard would feel >after shooting somebody.

I hear ya talking. I also find it odd that Elaine would even entertainthe thought that there are people who are not genuine, when they belittlethe overimportance that society places on a human life.

Perhaps she would think I was being insincere when I snap the papershut, and ask the Ol' Lady if she had read about the drunk cunt who ranover her spawn in the driveway, and "Ain't that the funniest thing youever heard?"

She'd be wrong.

Now, on a personal level, it depresses me to lose a family member, ora close friend, or even someone I didn't know well but respected for theway they conducted themselves when reality ran over their path. I realize,however, that not everyone shares my respect for that particular person.That ain't my concern. Most everybody, no matter how crude, inerudite ordirty, has someone, somewhere, who loves them. That does not endow themwith any sort of intrinsic value that the person who loves them doesn'tgive them, and while some dumb whore is moaning the death of her husband,who pitched himself out of an office window, I'm admiring him for doinghis exit in a ballsy way, and laughing at his ingenuity. Anyone can swallowa handful of pills; very few have the strength of conviction to splatterthemselves on yon pavement.

And, while I'm on this subject, I find it odd that our very own JBTcan feel OK with watching the gates of the incarcerated, probably not knowingthat people who are locked up tend to die a little inside every fuckin'day of their life, but would feel the need for counselling, should he dothe compassionate thing by shooting the prisoner.

That ain't a criticism. I've come to terms with those who enforce thelaw decades ago. I'm merely pointing out that the view from inside theoffice, or behind the desk at the booking station, is different from theother side, and their lives are as meaningful as the input that feeds it.Incarceration, in the minds of many, is worse than not being alive.

Human beans ain't an irreplacable commodity; they're all over the fuckin'place, much like insects. To hang onto the professed belief, inspired,no doubt, by some Biblical passage, that each human life is priceless andirreplacable, is an exercise that only people who have never hung out withthe dregs of society can afford to incorporate into their philosophies.


From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Re: Get the Hell out!
Date: 1997/11/15
Message-ID: <>#1/1
References: <> <64ipdt$noq$><64k6ep$51m$>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

In article <64k6ep$51m$> Macassey) writes:
>       I am ashamed to admit I havenever made escargots form

I hear ya. It's hard to get them to do anything they  don't wannado, but they get real resistant when you try to make them form scratch.

As a young punk, (as opposed to the old punk I am today) I ate a wormoff the blacktop of the elementary school playground. I was, however, paidtwo bucks to do so, back when two bucks meant something.

I don't consider myself to be the brightest bulb on the tree, but Iat least have the sense to demand payment for eating things that most folkspay good money to exterminate.

?Peeve: People pay long bucks to eat snails.

?Peeve: But then, I just lurve Swanson's chicken pot pies. Nuke oneof those punks, and pour it over a piece of sourdough bread, and I won'tbelieve you if you tell me you didn't sprout wood from the experience.

V (trailer trash) J

From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Re: ER Peeves
Date: 1997/12/04
Message-ID: <>#1/1
References: <> <><666n5d$>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

In article <666n5d$> Brian Trosko <>writes:
>Roger Lee <> wrote:
>: Spend some time with a 6 year old that won't shut up and you'llunderstand
>: WHY parenthood turns people into wankers.
>Done that.  Still don't understand it.  But what I understandeveen less
>is why parenthood doesn't turn more people into murderers.

(shrug) It's all in the training, pal. I had the good fortune of spendinga week with my spawn last month. When she was little, she would do thethings that kids do to annoy their anatomical providers. I'd get fed up,and would just fuckin' refuse to speak to her. It has much more of an effectthan a swat on the tail, cuz it just drove her totally batshit. By thetime she was six years old, when I'd tell her not to do something, she'dpipe up and say, "Why, because you said so?"

I'd nod, in the way that ancient Oriental teachers do when they've foundthat what they were teaching was getting through to the student.

She'll be a teen in two months, and a better behaved kid would be hardto find. She knows that, if she trips over her little tits, I'll be thereto brush the dust off of her ass, but there will be no sympathy cominggfrom me should she do something she knows is inappropriate. I don't carethat she does things to purposely avoid my wrath. I care that she makesdecisions that are beneficial to her well-being. If currying my favouris the deciding impetus in her decision, so be it.

You're entitled to think that that is manipulative behavior, but thekid's maintaining a B+ average, she ain't on dope and she don't do gangstuff.

Being a lifelong fuckup gives me an advantage; there ain't nothing thatshe can go through that I don't have a passing acquaintance with, or adviseher about. I can only hope that she's smart enough to learn from the mistakesof her predecessors, rather than wading through the muck on her own.

She's a bright girl, and I wish her everything good that one personcan wish for another.

The final product, of course, depends on what decisions she makes.

Peeve: Where the hell did that come from?


From: (Notorious P.I.G.)
Subject: Re: Something for every lover of great music...
Date: 1997/12/29
Message-ID: <>#1/1
References: <661g2s$> <><>
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login:guest)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

In article <> (GeoffMiller) writes:
>"Freedom of speech" refers to the freedom to express _ideas_,
>not the freedom to use particular words in the course of
>expressing those ideas.  And which do you think is more important?

That's a right fair question, Yer Honor, and one that I find myselfenveloped in during many of my philosophical discussions with those whodon't necessarily disagree with my views as much as they do my presentation.


1. "I hear what you're saying, but I'm not quite sure I agree, totally."

2. "Blow me, you punk motherfucker. Your poor ideas mark you as a mentalfuckin' midget, and I hope all your children are born with cloven feet."

#1 is polite-speak, that is used as a tool to make your point more palatable,while #2 is much more in line with what you really mean, and displays thehonesty required to settle an argument. In the long run, though, both messagesconvey the same thing, but vague societal rules give more intrinsic valueto one form over another. You go and figure why that is.

'Course, you've the advantage of being aware of the power that an aggressive posture can do for making your point, and you don't harborthe illusions  that some folks do, where the aspect of politenessis considered a virtue.

It ain't a virtue. It's a handicap.

The meek shall inherit the Earth. Six fuckin' feet of it.